We have all started off one conversation or another in this way. How are you doing? I am at a loss as what to say when someone askes me how I am doing lately. It is a simple and pretty standard question, one that is asked SO often. I am not quite sure the asker of the question truely cares about how I am doing, really. Just a question to get out of the way. When I am asked this standard conversation starter I say fine, great, doing good, but in my head I am saying Bad, horrible, I have been crying myself to sleep almost every night, not good and not really moving on. But of course you just cannot say that. You are more than welcome to feel that but you can't say that. When I am asked how are you doing I know logically that it is not asked as a malicious and cruel question designed to rip open a very tender wound, it may even be asked out of politeness or even habit, but lately when I am asked this I want to lash out and say just leave me alone. I know it sounds silly what this simple and mindless question is doing to me. I guess this is just another part of greiving.
Monday, July 20, 2009
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9 comments:
I know how you feel. Its only been a month, its going get better. Every so often I will see something, or hear something and that deep sad pain will jab strait to my heart. I miss my best friend. I couldn't use the golf clubs preston and I went halfs on anymore, I kept getting chocked up whenever I hit the seven iron, I could just see him and matt and I hitting a buckett of balls at swan lakes.
I hate my long ride home from work, I go past midvale cemetary twice a day.
I have had hard days and long nights, but I am slowly moving forward. Its funny how something as small as a golf ball can make a growen man cry.
Don't worry sis, you don't mourn alone. You have a family that loves you, and a great set of friends in Lehi. We love you, just keep on going through the motions. Andy
I am sorry that you are struggling. I hope that one day soon the light will shine brighter for you and your whole family.
You can say all those things to me.
I'm so sorry it's still such a fresh wound and is affecting you so powerfully right now. I love you, and if you ever EVER want to get away, or laugh, or cry or talk about everything or nothing, please call me. I can't imagine how you must be feeling.
Steff - you can say exactly how you feel. Being politically correct is for the birds! What are friends for if not total honesty. We love you even when you're feeling like you've hit bottom. It's not your consistency in emotion that makes you fabulous - it's your connection with being genuine. So, go ahead and lash.
Steff I just wanted to say I love ya, I am crying right now as I read what Andy said. I am So sorry. I know you are handlng this the best you can and thats all that matters. Thanks for being such a good friend. love ya
I know your heart is heavy.
Remember what you feel is normal.
You are a passionate person, and it is only fitting that you would feel the way you do.
Its okay to run into that shelf of vases at walmart with your shopping cart.Just run when your done:)
Hey Steff, I know this is cheesy but a missionary companion of mine sent me this link. its kinda funny there are only 2 reactions to this video, you either laugh and think its goofy, or you cry and know its true.
http://www.allaboutmormons.com/ENG_Video86.php
it's an automatic thing for people to say how are you doing. but time heals a broken heart, you'll never forget, but it eases the pain. stick in there.
i know i ask you that a LOT but its because i love and care about you and REALLY want to know. i'll be better about asking you the obvious question and just bring chocolate in its place. you are such an amazing example!
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